you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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