ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
