you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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