Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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