i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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