If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
