i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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