I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
