It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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