I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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