I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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