I hate your face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
