saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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