I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
