Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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