I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
