fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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