Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
