so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
