and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dude. I can hear the air.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
