I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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