tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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