I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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