Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
