Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
