I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
