My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
