Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
