I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
