At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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