And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
