I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize