Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
