Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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