Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
