come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
