dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
