I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We smell like vodka and hangover
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