Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
