Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
