i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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