He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
