The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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