We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
