it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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