Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
time to smoke my breakfast
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
