He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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