so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love having hate sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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