He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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