i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
