DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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