she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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