his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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