dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
