4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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