Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
