Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
