I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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