You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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