i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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