they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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