Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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