But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
two words...techno handjob
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
