i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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