Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
this hospital has no fireball
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
