Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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