He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
