it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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