it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
