I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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