In the future we'll all be gay
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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