Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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