TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
