Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
