When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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