so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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