when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
